Caregivers must remember to LIVE.
Not merely exist… But to live with as much gusto as can be mustered. It is far too easy to put life on hold to attend to a loved one who is doing the Benjamin Button descent… “Because, after all, this is a phase when s/he needs me the most”… The thing about phases is that they can last a decade… So we can’t afford to wait it out.
The reality is that we need our friends to share the good, the bad and the ugly — and then to share purgative cries and hearty laughs… We need our friends to partake of their joys and sorrows — to remind us that there is far more to life than the present vortex that holds us captive… We need our own interests to provide an oasis — moments of peace and fulfillment in a routine that is sometimes dreary and tinged with sadness… We need our physicians to remind us to stay fit and strong — so that we can be there to care for our loved ones…. We need support groups to help us innovate in our methods of dealing with our afflicted loved ones — and to help us offload our frustrations through sharing with others who understand due to their own experiences… We need our massage therapists to help us release some of the stress by kneading our knots into oblivion…. We need pedicurists to make us feel pampered — a good foot and calf massage does wonders… And we need to take vacation. Alzheimer’s raises the bar in demanding creativity — and we can be our most creative when well-rested and free of stress. By taking care of ourselves and truly living, we can do our loved ones an even greater service.
Time? Yes… I no longer have the same quantity of time to plan as I would like… It has morphed into a concept that I like to refer to as “Quality Self Time”. It takes longer to get everything I would like to do accomplished, but it’s far better than completely sacrificing everything until the day that things change.
What about the guilt, you ask? Guilt is Alzheimer’s partner-in-crime — they traipse along, hand-in-hand. Be not Guilt’s servant, but give it due respect. Consider this… If you neglect yourself, your depletion will adversely affect your relationship with your loved one and the quality of your caregiving… And you may eventually be outlived by your loved one. If you block out time/activities to tend to your own mental, emotional and physical health, then the service you provide can be free of the complications that could accompany complete self-sacrifice, like depression, resentment and frayed nerves. Either way, Guilt is a factor that probably won’t go away.
So no more excuses, Caretaker… LIVE.
Dad's Pal Al... 